It’s good to see Bran again.
We start off episode two of season six of Game of Thrones with a hella flashback. It’s Bran watching the memory of his father and brother, and the aunt he never knew, as children in Winterfell. It’s pretty sad when you think about it.
Hodor is there, like a scene from Wizard of Oz, and his name was Willas – and he could talk! I think this is a bigger and worse book spoiler than anything last episode.
Back at the Wall it’s about to be a showdown. Pro-Jon, and anti-Jon. Who will win? The Wildlings, apparently, because they charge in and they have a giant. It’s hard to argue with the peeps who have a giant. It looks like one of Team Jon snuck off to get the Wildlings to help, and it works. Yay Team Jon!
Jon’s still looking pretty cold and clammy though, so we’ll see I guess.
Over to King’s Landing where they are talking all about Circe’s walk of shame in the taverns. She’s lost a lot of her fear power, that’s clear. Sadly for the drunks, she’s also got Ye Old Frankenstein guarding her honor. Tall Dark and Silent smashes the gossip’s head against a wall and reports back to Circe. Still, she’s under house arrest in the Red Keep under Tommen’s orders. They won’t even let her go to Myrcella’s funeral, which is fucked up.
Tommen and Jaime chat over Myrcella’s body. It’s awkward. Sorry, Jaime. Teenagers! What’ll you do? Tommen knows he’s increasingly just a figurehead, poor kid. Anyone else seeing the Bran / Three Eyed Raven, Tommen / high Sparrow parallels? Just me? Cool.
Jaime and the High Sparrow talk about what’s going on. Jaime actually calls him out for being pretty sexist with his focuses. It gets threatening. Sparrow calls his bluff, and it’s pretty unsettling.
Tommen goes to see his mother, apologizes to her. He tries to be harder core, more like his brother. No, Tommen, no, no. That’s bad, Tommen.
Across the ocean we go! Everyone in Dany’s would-be small council meets in her absence. It’s looking grim. The slavers have retaken most of slaver’s bay, they have no fleet, dragons won’t eat, and no Dany. Looking bad for them, but at least our fave dwarf keeps his snark.
“That’s what I do,” says Tyrion, “I drink and I know things.” Same, Tyrion. Same.
They go to see the dragons. They’ve gotten… big. Really big. Tyrion decides that talking is the best way to reason with dragons is to sit down and chat. It’s actually really effective, even if he is pretty bite-sized. The dragons are clearly way smarter than they’ve been given any credit for. Tyrion frees them and dips.
A girl is still blind and getting her ass handed to her. I like any city where nobody seems to even notice two girls hitting each other with sticks in the street. They try to break Arya but she’s ferocious. I love that little scamp.
The R&R Bolton, Father and Son, have received news of Sansa and Theon’s escape. They discuss murdering Jon Snow. Ha, joke’s on you!
They received news that Lord Bolton has just been delivered of an heir. A trueborn heir. That means they don’t really need Ramsay anymore. And Ramsay isn’t about to let that happen. He murders his father the moment they embrace. Now that’s a hostile takeover if ever I saw one. The official story is that Roose was “poisoned by his enemies.” Seems legit.
We all knew that the baby was screwed the second that happened, so seeing Ramsay go out to hold the baby a second later is… tense, to say the least. About thirty seconds later Walda, Ramsay’s stepmother, and the baby are brought by Ramsay to the kennels. Ramsay’s favourite. It’s not pretty. Nice rending flesh sound effects, though.
Sansa and Brienne confer on Arya. I’m shipping them. Sorry, y’all, but it’d be cute. All the warrior and princess aspects of Sandor and Sansa, none of the creepy. Theon is clearly very sorry and they debate him taking the black at the Wall. Theon doesn’t want forgiveness though. He’s pretty hopeless. Yes this is on the heels of my last comment, but if they shoehorn in Theon and Sansa as a romance I sweat to the old gods and the new….
Theon leaves and we flash to the Iron Isles. Awkward little daddy daughter chat Balon and Yara debate bothering to go get Theon. Yara’s a good sister and wants to work for peace, Balon is a jerk. Who’s surprised? Not this blogger.
One ridiculously precarious rope bridge later, Balon’s brother shows up, perhaps from the dead. “What is dead may never die,” indeed. He seems to be looking for a throne. Balon’s. He makes short work of him. Not another brother-or-child inheritance debate!
Quick and easy burial at sea, because of course. Did they film on the Faroe Islands? I like it. Yara swears revenge. Yara isn’t the clear cut heiress though. She has to be chosen. Because democracy! Kind of.
Up North, The Red Woman seems to be mourning. Davos tries to talk to her. He seeks her help, asking if she can bring him back from the dead. She swears she knows nothing. Ironic. She admits to being just a bit of a fraud. It’s hard to tell if she’s lost her faith or if she never really had it. Davos convinces her to try.
On the slab, Jon’s looking pretty darn stabbed. Melisandre washes him and I enjoy the SFX makeup. Mmmm… fake blood. My favourite. There’s some hair cutting, some other language, some washing, some burning (of course). Jon looks a lot like Rob when he’s got a haircut. And you have to remember how he always loved his hair, wouldn’t cut it because the girls liked it so much.
I’m sorry but whatever Melisandre is saying sounds like “hot glaze on” to me and I just want Krispy Kreme. What? Bad time?
She’s really trying but it’s not looking like a lot of good. Everyone dips. Meaningful shots scanning between Jon and Ghost. Jon and Ghost. Jon and Ghost.
See you next week!